AYOE 07 / Being Truly Present Can Be a Challenge

Hey friends!

I’m sure it surprises no one that I got sick AGAIN this past week. Apparently that’s my thing these days 😂

I’ve been making light of it so far, but when I stopped to think about it, I can see there is likely some subconscious resistance going on. I’ve committed to this year-long project where I try a bunch of different things and my brain and body are like “Whoa this isn’t at all safe. How can we slow this train down?” Getting sick repeatedly definitely accomplishes that goal.

So how can I find a balance between moving forward with the project, but also not spending the entire year sick and miserable?

I know the answer is to take smaller steps. Do fewer things.

Which is honestly a little hard to swallow when I know people are following along. It’s tough to feel like the messy middle, where I don’t have much to report other than yet another struggle or setback, is at all interesting for others to read.

But also, I committed to doing this for myself regardless of if anyone is following along. My focus is on the experiments and what comes of them (clearly a boatload of discomfort so far!), not on how to fancy up the experience so it seems more exciting. I’m a work in progress, as per the usual. 😎

So, since we’re already on the topic of discomfort, here are a couple of other challenges I’ve noticed so far on this wild ride…

Structured Routines vs Intuitive Routines

This is an ongoing thing for me. I’ve tried structure, no structure and probably every variation in between and I’m not sure I’ve landed on a method that works for me all the time.

When I have too much structure I inevitably rebel and don’t do anything, but when I have too much freedom then it’s easy to not do anything, especially when I’m sick or not feeling at my best. The common thread here is not doing things I say I want to do (and that I honestly need to do). Clearly that’s not ideal 🤦🏼‍♀️

Most of last year I was pretty successful with the intuitive approach. I knew I wanted to do something for my wellbeing daily and some kind of movement and I let myself decide based on what felt the best in the moment.

This year the intuitive approach isn’t working as well. It’s likely because I started the year with both illness AND grief processing on my plate and the illness part hasn’t really let up. While I have needed the rest, I don’t want a lack of action to become my habit.

Which leads me to my next struggle…

Taking It Slow

This is the key to making any kind of sustainable change because our brain and nervous system are hardwired to protect us (aka keep us alive!). Small incremental changes are less likely to trip the alarm and throw up all kinds of resistance (and they build up more quickly than we expect!).

While I know this consciously, I still feel internal pressure to make more progress, have better results, do more, go faster. You get the idea.

I was more successful with my journaling in January than I was with my movement in February. Was it because journaling didn’t require as much time or effort so it seemed safer? Maybe.

I’m still working to find the sweet spot between new experiences (aka growth) and causing my body to feel unsafe and throw up resistance. This is likely to be an ongoing challenge, but I’m hopeful I’ll find my way this year. 🙏🏼

Embodiment vs Checking Items Off The List

This month it’s especially noticeable because I have more than one thing on my list each day - even though they are small things.

Most days I’ve done all the things on the list, but I’ve noticed I don’t have the same experience every day. There have been a few days when I felt like I just did the thing to check it off and say it was done, but I’m not sure I got much actual benefit from the practice. I was distracted and ready to get it over with. With somatic practices, the entire point is:

Being more present. Being in the body and not the mind.

Embodiment and somatic practices aren’t about checking things off a list, but rather BEING PRESENT in the moment, noticing what’s happening internally and staying with it instead of trying to run away, distract or numb. And let me tell you, my friend, this is not an easy thing for me some days.

I’d Love To Hear From You

WHEW! Breaking down all those challenges was fun right? 😂

I know there are several of you who are doing experiments this year in your own way and I’d love to hear from you about how they’re going and what you’re learning.

Reply to this email and let me know (or leave a comment if you prefer).

Talk soon,

xoxo - Nic